Marketing 2.0

Please no one tell my boss that "sexy" appears twice in buzzword bingo.

Having just come back from PMA (well, a week ago), my poor little vocabulary is still feeling the effects of Acute Buzz Word Overload (logos vapidococci). Ok, ok- we all know that my vocabulary is neither small nor pitiable. In fact, just this morning in the shower I was thinking to myself "hey- didn't I get an awesome score on both my SAT verbal and ACT English and Writing tests?" Yes. Yes I did. But I guarantee you I did not flash my linguistic pearly whites by tossing around words like "robust" and "parody."

Oh wait. I did. But when I used them they actually MEANT SOMETHING. When someone starts talking about a "robust system," do you think of a sanguine-complexioned microchip with thick beard stubble wearing a flannel shirt, the sleeves of which barely roll up over its bulging biceps, over its broad shoulders? And usually swinging a giant ax over said shoulders? I do! Ok, so sometimes it's a server wearing a thick wool sweater in my head, but the lumberjack theme consistently prevails. I really do not mean to say that the usage here is totally incorrect, but its power in the context of technology is lost (to me, at least) once the novelty of said usage has worn off. Waaaaay off.

And people- a parody is mocking and/or satirical. It is not simply a copy and it is not a means to achieving the same end as something else. I was an English major, so I know, OK? I did not spend 4 years of back-breaking last-minute paper-writing just to have some hotshot with an MBA tell me what "parody" means to him. Ok . . . and everyone else in the industry. Whatever- they can still ALL be wrong- the Nazis were!!!


Yeah, I said it. Nazis!

Let me pause here to say that if I am starting to sound a bit pretentious and/or delusional, it's probably a result of my recent spirit-crushing experience in Orlando, more commonly known as Realizing That Everyone In The Entire Orange County Convention Center (Including The Scary Competitive Cheerleading Infants) Knows More About Digital Imaging Than Me. Typical symptoms of RTEITEOCCC(ITSCCI)KMADITM include persistent shutting-up, nervous giggling, shrugging and nodding (and sometimes drooling) like a halfwit, and distancing oneself from the "booth babes" on the trade show floor (hey- no one needs to feel stupid AND fat). While it may seem like a good dose of reality would be the best cure for RTEITEOCCC(ITSCCI)KMADITM- obviously everyone in the building can't be smarter than me, otherwise we would have achieved world peace by now, duh- the truth remains that excessive self-adulation is actually the best medicine. Adulation from the rest of you (pause. Crickets chirping) is also strongly encouraged.


Shudder . . . they're just so . . . creepy . . . shudder . . .

All of this is not to say that PMA was a bad experience. It was a GREAT experience. I met a ton of smart people and learned a lot about the digital imaging industry. I would love to do it again- let's be clear about that. It's just that next time I'll start the excessive self-adulation around . . . November. Like a vaccination!

Anyhow- what with all the 2.0s (if one more person says "Web 2.0" to me . . . ) and buzzwords and sweeping generalizations about the wants and buying habits of soccer moms, I have taken recent comfort in two current marketing campaigns:

1) The Un- or Oddly-Employed TBS Watcher Vocational School Advertisement
Surely you guys have noticed that while the programming on TBS has gotten pretty decent (lots of movies, good sitcoms, Sex and the City), their advertisers are apparently targeting young people unable to get a job, a date, or a GED.
Most of these commercials are pretty abysmal and feature people who probably spend a lot of time drinking out of the toilet bowl, but last night during a late night showing of Fried Green Tomatoes one of them truly reached through the screen and spoke to me (am I mixing my metaphors? (is that a metaphor?)). This commercial featured a young man who had attended culinary school to pursue his dream of (wait for it . . . ) being a chef. Towards the end, after the montage of smiling instructors and nodding students frosting cakes and shaking hands, we cut to the young man who says "If you love to cook, you should really consider being a chef."
Brilliant. Can you imagine? If you like to cook . . . . what could you do? Wait! I know! I've got it! Why did I ever bother wondering what color my parachute was? I'm still ruminating on how to apply this concept to the broader scope of human existence. "If you love to type, you should really consider being a secretary" doesn't quite work. But "if you love fish, you should be a fisherman" just might. Moving on . . .

2) My Junk Folder in Hotmail
Today I opened it up and seductive susan immediately put forth her proposition in an email titled "Lets have a SeXathon." Friends, nothing about that message is sneaky or manipulative, save for the incomprehensible Spanish garble in the body of the email which (yes, I opened it) I will ignore because I only speak English. And I speak it damn well!
Because of the simplicity and honesty of this message, I can, in return, say to susan that "no, I will not have a SeXathon." And I will say this not because I think I'm too good for seductive susan but because I'm pretty sure she has been spending a LOT of time at my next door neighbor's as I almost daily hear them, as Matt politely put it, "going to funky town."

And now, I would like to present Jake Gyllenhaal drunk in all of Ang Lee's pictures- courtesy of The Superficial.